and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
