Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
