I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
