You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
