cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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