now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
