Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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