this beer tastes like vomit already
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
