Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
