Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
