Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
