Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
