I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
