You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
