I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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