I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize