At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
