never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
