We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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