can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
