yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
