Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This toilet bowl is my home.
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