Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
