Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize