The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have tasted many bathrooms
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
