3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
