Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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