i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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