If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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