butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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