I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
