Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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