Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
