He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
