He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
