i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
