My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
