Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How does it feel to date your dad?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize