girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
