I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
