I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
