sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She bit a glass in half.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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