I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
