you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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