sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
