I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
