ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
