So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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