Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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