And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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