it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
