The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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