I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think your dad took our porno
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