Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
