Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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