We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize