i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
