they need to just BURY HIM!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
