There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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