What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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