I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
