Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
