Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
