Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
