Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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