New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I need a beard to bite.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
