yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
