I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
