just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize