Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
