Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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