He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
