And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
