She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
