I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
