but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
